Kyan Douglas – sometimes they watch back

Remember Queer Eye for the Straight Guy?  That show took America by storm. Everyone wanted to be Metrosexual.  The cast was riding high and in 2004 Kyan Douglas wrote a book called Beautified and he was signing in Dallas.

I got to the bookstore later than I normally do for a big event. I left after work and was in my simple button down shirt from JC Penney’s and some slacks that were nicer than Dockers but not by much and they needed pressing badly. I also wore my scuffed black dress shoes. Needless to say, I wasn’t looking very Metro that day.

 The people in line were young women that were glorifying in the show and many many men that were Uber-Metrosexul or gay.

Needless to say, as I got in line I was given the once over. I don’t think there was a single man or woman that didn’t look me up and down and ‘tsk-ed’ as they turned away.  I was NOT Metro that day and I barely passed as human in their eyes. It was very funny to watch although it was uncomfortable at the time.

So I stuck out like a sore thumb.

I patiently stood in line and tried to avoid eye contact.  As people filed in behind me I could feel their eyes checking me out as they checked out my fashion sense. 

Did I watch the show?  Sure. I tried to avoid it but whenever the wife, Kae, had it on, I must admit I would pause as I walked past the TV.  Did I try to become Metro? Not really but I did pay more attention to some things and I tried to dress better for the wife. It was obvious the women of America wanted their males to dress nicer.

Kyan arrived and I swear the crowd broke out in tears.  Trying to keep from being even more of a pariah, I politely applauded.

The crowd moved slowly as everyone had to say a few words to Kyan about how much they loved the show. He smiled and laughed and didn’t seem bothered to hear the same thing over and over.

When I got to the front of the line, he paused. Yes, he paused and looked me up and down.   He didn’t ‘tsk’ though.  Obviously he had seen worse cases of dress and style on his show. He smiled his winning smile and in a good natured way asked what I was doing there.  We both chuckled as I said the book was for the wife.  That was all he needed as he signed and handed me the book.

My fashion faux pas didn’t bother Kyan. I left the table feeling better and less self-conscious. Then I had to do the walk of shame.   There was another 100 people in line that hadn’t seen me yet. I was fresh bait for these bored fashion conscious trend seekers.

Did I hold my head high? Look them steadily in the eye? Acknowledge them with a nod as I passed?

Nope, I avoided eye contact and left.

I got my autograph and that was all that mattered.  It was a long day and time to go home and relax.

AH