Finickiness – not autograph related

As the Thanksgiving holiday wanes and the Christmas holiday rises, like a lot of Americans, I have eaten.  As invariably happens when I eat around friends and family and associates, the word ‘finicky’ gets bandied about.  As the word is floated into conversations, the looks of pity are always aimed my way.  I have been unjustly slandered with this adjective for decades. It is now time to stop this assault and look at what is really happening. 

It is well chronicled that I will eat at any McDonald’s in the country. Hell, I’ve eaten at a Mickey D’s in Shanghai, Honk Kong, London, AND Hawaii. In fact, I’ll willingly eat a hamburger at any restaurant we visit and I’ll even drink their sorry watered down and over iced excuse for Coke or Pepsi they serve in their semi clean glasses. I am so undemanding; I can eat at McD’s twice a day or several days in a row.  Would a finicky man do that? 

The finicky eaters are the ones that snobbishly watch the Food Network ad nauseam. They call themselves ‘Foodies’ to deflect others from seeing their affliction.  They know that once something is labeled, people stop poking deeper and they can hide in plain sight. These are the people that are truly wanting. 

The finicky complain that they have already eaten Mexican or Indian or Thai for lunch; they couldn’t possibly have it again for dinner.  What kind of silliness is that? Was the food tasty?  Did you enjoy it?  Is it possible to enjoy the meal again?  Have you ever watched the same movie a second time?  Listened to the same song?  Read the same book?

These hard to please eaters state that garlic makes everything taste better.  This is a crime that ruins many meals. It must stop now.  Garlic is a season. To season something is to bring out a hidden taste or enhance a flavor. Garlic (and onions) is not intended to hide failed cooking experiments.  Garlic mashed potatoes should have a hint of garlic and not kill a vampire. It’s also abundantly clear they are afraid to taste the native flavor of the food without hiding behind garlic.

These particular eaters convince themselves that different is better. To build a better mouse trap…you only catch a better mouse. This is a delusion of the Foodies everywhere.  They unknowingly admit that didn’t like the ‘original’ version and seek a tricked-up version to make amends. Their hunt for perfection is eternal. They will never reach the end of this journey as they really don’t understand what they seek.

These vapid eaters convince themselves that presentation matters. Why do I care how the plate looks? Describe the ‘taste’ of the presentation.  The new paint job on the 20 year old car should be a valuable clue that something is amiss.

And the ugliness sin of all, if it’s expensive, it must be good. The unsophisticated noshers thinking themselves more cultured have ignored the issues of over garliced, pretty looking, and tricked up food and willingly over pay for a burger and fries.  A Foodie and his money…

I have found that the ‘educated palate’ belongs to the finicky. My naïve palate has no issues with simple fare; I know a good thing when I taste it. I don’t need to re-invent the wheel.  

J’accuse you Foodie!  You truly are the finicky one with your endless searches of the best tacos in town and restaurant du jour. I hope you realize the errors of your ways. Or at the least, stop thinking me the finicky one.

AH