Dear Snooki, All I want for Christmas…

Snooki (Nicole Polizza) crossed my radar with the first episode of Jersey Shore 5 years ago. TiVo listed the show as a group of teens working summers job at Seaside Heights.

Hey, I’m from Jersey.  As a kid, my family would spend a day at Seaside during the summer.  We would get up early and take the long drive to Seaside and end up baking on the sand and freezing in the water.  After being burnt and scoured we’d spend the late afternoon on the boardwalk playing games and maybe if we were lucky ride a few rides on the piers.  It was a good time with lots of happy memories.

So nostalgically I looked forward to the show.  30 years makes a difference.  This was a different side to Seaside than I remembered.  If I knew this was on MTV, I would have realized it was not my cup of tea.  I never watched another episode.  The few times I’d watched Talk Soup, I was shown ‘highlights’ that didn’t change my impression of what the show was or where it was going.

Somehow Snooki never really left my radar. And apparently she never left anyone else’s either. Regardless of what I heard, I still liked her.  I wanted her to rise above the chaos of her ephemera celebrity-hood and actually succeed.  So I was happy she wrote a book.  While it’s the ‘in thing’ to do, it’s a start to realizing that the ‘celeb’ thing only lasts so long. Unless you put some effort into it your 15 minutes is gone before you realize it. Then she had a second book.  It looks like she is putting in the effort as she now has a line of suntan lotions and a perfume.

The perfume is where I crossed her path.

The Perfumania in the Allen Outlet Mall hosted Snooki for a photo op to promote her new fragrance on December 16th; just in time for Christmas.

I got there early and saw a lot of hard core fans.  The demographic was girls from the 13 to 20 years age range.  Like I have mentioned before for other glamour celebs, many of the girls were inspired the celeb’s look. There were already a lot of Snooki wannabes in line.  I’m sure the count was artificially inflated by advertized gifts going to the best Snooki look-alikes.

Since I could have been these girls’ father or even grandfather, I choose not to hang out with them. I left and came back closer to the start time. Earlier, I had bought her perfume and that guaranteed me a spot. I wasn’t really worried about being first or even last.

As always, I listened in on other people’s conversations. I’m bad that way. One girl near me was disappointed she wasn’t one of the chosen look-alikes.  Then her friend told her she looked more like JWoww than Snooki. I saw a few tears.

I waited outside for a few hours as the line slowly moved.  Periodically people would come running out excited that Snooki gave then a signed copy of her new book. They would rapidly regale how beautiful and nice and friendly and cool Snooki was - all done withut taking a breath.  The girls around me would stretch their necks trying to get close enough to hear the last details.

Kim Kardashian People Watching

So what goes on when you stand in line for hours?

Besides embracing your Inner Cow, it helps to be a People Watcher.

What does a People Watcher see?

The recent Kim Kardashian signing was a great example of what you see and why it’s amusing to people watch.  You got to see the bleary eyed and the fresh faced.  You saw excitement bubbling over and tiredness taking a toll.

When I got to Nordstrom’s at 6AM ish I circled the Mall looking for a line. The actually signing was at 4:30PM.  This was a 2 step process. Buy the makeup to qualify for an autograph. Then come back and get the autograph.

So after watching a few people walking to the mall, I decided to follow them inside.

Surprisingly the queue hadn’t formed yet but there were people hanging out. Everyone was tired but anxious. It makes for an odd combination.  

I was studying for an exam but also watching the people around me. I got some looks that were of the type: what is HE doing here.   This was a ’chick’ event and not a ‘guy’ event like Marisa Miller.  Very different vibe and energy level.

The makeup of the group was mostly women. I and the few other males there were autograph collectors.  These women were there to see Kim.

The ladies would get up to get coffee or take a walk to wake up. One girl plucked her eye brows for an hour as she chatted with friends. The guys basically huddled together and compared war stories from other signings to pass the time.

99% of the women were Kim Klones; very long black hair and dark eyes with dark eye liner, mascara, and eye shadow.  Klones are the norm.  Jenny McCarthy brought out the long blonde haired ladies for her signing. For some reason the fans take their fashion sense for their idol.  I noticed a lot of black nail polish too. In fact, a pair of young ladies were doing each other nails. I can only assume this is one of Kim’s colors.

Even this early, many of the women were dressed very nicely (more party wear than work wear) and with 4 inch stilettoes.  Slaves to fashion as a lot of them carried their Louis Vuitton handbags.  Some can pull off the look and others not so much.  In fact, I never realized it before but one lady that didn’t pull off the look looked like Snooki from Jersey Shore.  So that got me thinking that maybe Snooki is a failed Kim Klone.  Maybe not. I’m a guy, what do I know?

Since this was a chick event, the noise level was high (I know that’s a sexist remark. Sorry. It doesn’t make it a false statement.).  There was a constant background hum from chatter and giggling. Yes, even women in their 20’s over laugh in their excitement.  Any movement or noise from Nordstrom’s caused an immediate cessation of sound as everyone held their breath; unreasonably hoping for a glimpse of Kim K even though she wouldn’t be there for another 8 hours.

After I got my makeup and left, I had class and did some odds and ends around the house.  When I returned to Nordstrom’s the crowd was huge. Most were people that just wanted to get a glimpse of Kim K.  They generated an even louder buzz than in the morning.

I got in line after I paused to say hello to a few collectors I met in the morning.  By this time the line stretched outside. This was good as it was cooler and quieter; a nice reprieve from the chaos inside.

A couple of high school Prep girls who were still in uniform stood in front of me.  The police officer directing traffic had some fun with them. They got excited every time any car passed (Yugo, Le Car, Cooper Mini, Prius, etc) in hopes it contained Kim K. He told them that Kim would come in a big car. So every 4 door that drove by, they jumped up and down.  He next told them they were thinking too small. Big Car. So of course a pick-up truck drove by and they got excited. Yes, the truck was big.  They were too excited to think Limo. 

Kim didn’t come in this entrance so the girls just burned off excess energy.

The ladies behind me were using their smart phones to take non-stop photos of themselves. They must have taken 50 photos with their head mushed together in close-up mode. I always find this amusing as you can’t tell where the photo was taken because all you see is face and hair.  It was almost cute, if it wasn’t so silly, as they rotated themselves to have a different ‘background’ that would never be seen.  It did make them happy though.

The other thing about these self-photos of the ‘face and hair only’ was the knee bend and hip pop they needed to perform for each photo.  It’s a nice sexy look and can it can hide some ‘issues’ but will anyone see it in these shots?

When Kim finally arrived, little pockets of girls/ladies left the line and rushed over to the Kim’s table and took photos and rushed back to tell the others what they saw. The others in the group would do the same. Very funny and very lemmings like. The store staff took it all in stride.

After these groups worked its way through the line, they would gather and compare notes on what they said and saw. More ‘head and hair’ shots would be taken and then the group would calm down and disband. 

Very different from me, after I’m done, I head back to the car and let the wife know of my success. The day is done and so is the people watching.

AH