Dear Snooki, All I want for Christmas…

Snooki (Nicole Polizza) crossed my radar with the first episode of Jersey Shore 5 years ago. TiVo listed the show as a group of teens working summers job at Seaside Heights.

Hey, I’m from Jersey.  As a kid, my family would spend a day at Seaside during the summer.  We would get up early and take the long drive to Seaside and end up baking on the sand and freezing in the water.  After being burnt and scoured we’d spend the late afternoon on the boardwalk playing games and maybe if we were lucky ride a few rides on the piers.  It was a good time with lots of happy memories.

So nostalgically I looked forward to the show.  30 years makes a difference.  This was a different side to Seaside than I remembered.  If I knew this was on MTV, I would have realized it was not my cup of tea.  I never watched another episode.  The few times I’d watched Talk Soup, I was shown ‘highlights’ that didn’t change my impression of what the show was or where it was going.

Somehow Snooki never really left my radar. And apparently she never left anyone else’s either. Regardless of what I heard, I still liked her.  I wanted her to rise above the chaos of her ephemera celebrity-hood and actually succeed.  So I was happy she wrote a book.  While it’s the ‘in thing’ to do, it’s a start to realizing that the ‘celeb’ thing only lasts so long. Unless you put some effort into it your 15 minutes is gone before you realize it. Then she had a second book.  It looks like she is putting in the effort as she now has a line of suntan lotions and a perfume.

The perfume is where I crossed her path.

The Perfumania in the Allen Outlet Mall hosted Snooki for a photo op to promote her new fragrance on December 16th; just in time for Christmas.

I got there early and saw a lot of hard core fans.  The demographic was girls from the 13 to 20 years age range.  Like I have mentioned before for other glamour celebs, many of the girls were inspired the celeb’s look. There were already a lot of Snooki wannabes in line.  I’m sure the count was artificially inflated by advertized gifts going to the best Snooki look-alikes.

Since I could have been these girls’ father or even grandfather, I choose not to hang out with them. I left and came back closer to the start time. Earlier, I had bought her perfume and that guaranteed me a spot. I wasn’t really worried about being first or even last.

As always, I listened in on other people’s conversations. I’m bad that way. One girl near me was disappointed she wasn’t one of the chosen look-alikes.  Then her friend told her she looked more like JWoww than Snooki. I saw a few tears.

I waited outside for a few hours as the line slowly moved.  Periodically people would come running out excited that Snooki gave then a signed copy of her new book. They would rapidly regale how beautiful and nice and friendly and cool Snooki was - all done withut taking a breath.  The girls around me would stretch their necks trying to get close enough to hear the last details.

Once I entered the Perfumania, the store was rocking.  A DJ spun records, a photographer flashed photos, clerks danced behind the counters, and Snookis’ handlers sprayed her perfume into the air. The noise was deafening but infectious. Through all the chaos Snooki quietly sat on a very low divan (She's reportedly 4' 9" - that may include the platform heels she wears.).  She had 2 end tables with her book and perfume on it and she looked very pretty.  She sat poised with a straight back and smiled. She greeted everyone that approached and said a few words as the photographer got ready.

I was near the front of the line and was told that she was only doing the photos now. No more autographs. I couldn't hide my disappointment.  I wasn’t interested in a photo.  I took off early from work and spent close to 3 hours in line just to get an autograph.  Yes, my addiction is severe and collecting autographs is a curse.

One handler suggested I ask anyway as Snooki really is a nice person.

So I approached this young lady. I sat next to her on her low divan. It was so low I wondered if I would get stuck.  She turned and smiled and asked how I was.  I felt slightly silly. I felt like I was in Santa’s lap.  I felt like I was telling Santa what I wanted for Christmas.  In my head the scene from Christmas Story played out. I was Ralphie asking for a Red Ryder Bee Bee gun with a compass in the stock and Santa-Snooki was going to tell I would shoot my eye out.

I sheepishly asked her for an autograph. Without hesitation she picked up a Sharpie and asked what I wanted to have signed. A slight panic coursed through me as I tried to get the perfume out of my bag and into her hand.  She paused and placed the perfume box on her knee and signed neatly. I thanked her. She smiled. I must admit to being charmed.

I just needed a candy cane from Santa-Snooki to make it all complete.

Merry Christmas!

AH